Somewhere near 2011-2012,anxiety

I am asking myself these questions again,again and again.Am I deserving the God's love and promotion,to make other people x?Is the x making people be free minded,and making them losing their religion and increasing communism idea on themselves?Is this minimalisation decision,too void and useless?The otherscan feel spirituality in x as I did?I just dont know anything how guess God helps me,cuz I am also slightly losing my mind,logic and literal abilities.Guess it will be compensated later by the God.Also one last thing.Do x improve how I believe in God?